What the hell is the mysterious BDSM world?

 

Many people are used to seeing someone who likes BDSM culture as seriously ill and needs urgent treatment. What exactly is hidden behind this acronym? Does each of us have something in common with Sado-maso fans?

 

 

What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the abbreviation BDSM? Bizarre people in black leather BDSM outfits with whips and submissive collars and gags in their mouths hurt each other in the most sophisticated ways and get pleasure from this masochistic pleasure.

 

 

The common man's fear of BDSM culture is largely due to questionable depictions of the practice in porn, controversial representations in popular movies, and the fact that little is known about it. They don't even realize that they themselves can easily fit in with this cultural trend simply by analyzing their own sexual preferences.

 

 

But whether you consider yourself a BDSM fan or totally average, most guys have tried something a little bit naughty or reckless in the bedroom at one point in their sex life, from blindfolded and handcuffs to porn furniture and BDSM toys and all that may fall within the definition of BDSM behavior.

 

 

So, we're here to clarify a few things...

 

 

 

Etymology of BDSM

Let's understand the concept first. The term "BDSM" is not defined in four words as it might seem at first glance. "BD" - bondage and discipline, "DS" - domination and submission, "SM" - sadism and masochism.

 

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Bondage and Discipline

Bondage and discipline is a form of role-playing games in which one partner immobilizes the other by binding, handcuffing, using duct tape, or other devices. Bondage here is immobilizing a partner in a position that is often very uncomfortable.

 

Discipline means certain rules in the game, and the lower partner who violates these rules will be punished. BDSM is the most dangerous kind of sex, and bondage is its most dangerous aspect.

 

This game is only suitable for partners who absolutely trust each other, because after losing the ability to move, the "bottom" partners completely surrender themselves to the master's power. If the leader suddenly appears mentally unbalanced or even crazy, the outcome of the meeting can be tragic.

 

In addition, bindings made by incompetent hands are not only harmful to health, but also fatal. Therefore, people who are really interested in BDSM usually study bondage techniques in detail and attend dedicated master classes.

 

"Bondage and discipline" role-playing is suitable for couples, where one partner prefers to have total power over their partner's body, while the other wants to feel like they are in a defenseless and highly dependent position.

 

 

Rule and Obey

Veteran BDSM practitioner Jay Wiseman writes in his book "SM101": "I can immediately determine whether a person is dominant or submissive. You just have to invite him to sit down. If he was a submissive person, he would sit down immediately. The dominant person would stare at me for a while and think about the offer for a few seconds. From this, it can be seen that the dominant and the subordinate are mainly psychological types.

 

Dominance and submission are not only expressed in sexual games, but also in the paradigm of family relations. After all, a person who tends to lead is a Dominator (abbreviated "Dom" - for males, "Domina" - for females). Dominance includes all kinds of power over a partner.

 

 

Sadism and Masochism

The role-playing game "sadomasochism" involves inflicting pain (physical or psychological). Thus the sadist satisfies by inflicting pain, the masochist satisfies by accepting it.

 

Two historical figures and their names define these names: the Frenchman Marquis de Sade and the Austrian Leopold von Sacher-Masoch. The heroes of both writers' works indulge in so-called "sexual perversions," which involve physical and mental humiliation.

 

Inflicting pain therefore falls squarely in the category of "sadism and masochism". Pain may also manifest in other role-playing games (for example, as a result of restraints), but in these games pain is not the main goal, but rather a side effect.

 

Pain can be delivered in a variety of ways and in varying intensities: from the hot wax of a candle dripping on the body to whipping and harsher effects.

 

In fact, if a partner likes to grab their partner's hair during sex, causing her pain, it's already a sign of a perverted tendency in the relationship.

 

Also, there is a distinction between "sadomasochism" when the pain-inducing play is played on a purely psychological level. Imagine a couple where a man cheats on his wife and a woman feels jealous and bitter about it and instead of leaving him, stays with him. And, in a way, she's proud that her man is popular, and she's number one in this "queue of women." This relationship is very close to what is called "sadomasochism".

 

 

Should Learn Some Terms

"Dom", "Sub", "Action", "Top", "Bottom", "SSC" security principles. All of these and many other terms are part of the language used by the BDSM community.

 

"Dom" and "Sub" are short for "Dominant" and "Submissive". "Dom" likes to be in charge, while "Sub" likes to get off work and take directions. "Action" means any physical influence on a partner, whether or not it includes actual sexual intimacy.

 

 

Bondage

 

According to the BDSM orientation, the participants of the action are divided into subordination (above) and obedience (below), and those who have both obedience and obedience desire (transition). "Normal" relationships that don't have any BDSM elements are often referred to in the community as "vanilla" (in analogy to ice cream flavors, which are called vanilla in the US without added flavors).

 

"Top" and "Bottom" are similar to "Dom" and "Sub", but have alternative representations. By their definition, people at the top are usually those who "like to hurt" for sexual gratification, while those at the bottom are those who like to be hurt, so it's likely to see submissive "tops" or dominant "Bottom".

 

 

Security Matters

The gist of the BDSM game is - everything has to happen with mutual consent and to the pleasure of both parties. Therefore, it is very important to understand that ordinary domestic abuse, street rape or assault has nothing to do with the BDSM definition.

 

 

Leather Whipper

 

One of the key tenets of a BDSM relationship is safety. At the same time, many BDSM behaviors (primarily physical) are associated with some level of risk.

 

In the classic "upper partner"-"lower partner" relationship, the responsibility for life, health and safety falls to the "upper partner" to a greater extent. However, the "ground floor" must determine in advance the framework of allowable influence (which may subsequently change by mutual agreement).

 

Because of the risks involved in this type of game, the leader (“up”) is always responsible for the safety of the followers (“down”)—not just physically, but psychologically as well. Safety, Sanity, Consensus (“SSC”) – these are the three rules that distinguish current BDSM practitioners from “amateurs.”

 

 

There is pre-session and post-session care

Practice is full of amazing things that many people don't even realize. BDSM is more than the pornographic exchange of power and other forms of sexual relationships. Exercises include lots of pre-meeting and post-meeting conversations where it's important to show concern for your partner. Before you start, make sure you talk about what you want to do, what you definitely don't want to do, how it's going to happen, what the fantasies involve, what safe words you'll use, what can stimulate the meeting. This is part of the "negotiation" phase of the relationship, and it's important to make everyone feel safe and comfortable.

 

Essentially, the "safe word" is a stop word, agreed upon in advance by "Dom" and "Sub" that stops the entire scene once uttered. The stop word can be anything you want, as long as it's not something you normally say during sex.

Post-treatment care is also important. After all, BDSM practice can be an extremely impressive and emotional experience for some, and most experts recommend having a conversation after the practice to analyze the results and discuss the session.

 

"People are vulnerable in the post-treatment phase," says BDSM author and teacher Clarissa Thorn. "Conferences can be weird without it."

 

During these discussions, partners can do things that are caring for each other, such as making and sharing a cup of tea, or cuddling while talking. No matter which care option you choose, aftercare is considered a key element of any BDSM program.

 

 

"Submissive" Doesn't Mean Powerless

However, in a healthy master/slave relationship in real life, the situation is actually quite the opposite. In "The Field," Dom has the "power," but during the pre-session care, paradoxically, the bench decides what happens. They have the power to stop the scene at any time if they want, and they decide what Dom can and cannot do or say. It's all about trust and communication.

 

 

 

Leather Bondage

 

BDSM needs research

Blindfold your partner in handcuffs and whip them - definitely a harmless place to start exploring the world of BDSM, but if you want to start experimenting with more dangerous equipment and spice up your action games , you need to do your research. Using rope can be very dangerous if you don't understand what you're doing, some toys can cause real harm, and don't even think about trying porn choking games or fisting if you haven't learned how to do it beforehand.

 

You'll learn techniques and rules of conduct in the "lesson" before diving into these aspects of BDSM. There are countless books on the subject, as well as conferences, courses, and online networks on BDSM that you can access if you're interested in learning first-hand.

 

"The vast majority of BDSM education is about maximizing ecstasy and minimizing risk," explains sex expert Gloria Brame, author of A Different Kind of Love.

 

"It's about learning how to do everything you dream about and how to do it safely."

 

 

Very Healthy

It is widely believed that BDSM is somehow related to mental illness (deviated sexual expression). However, science has proven the opposite to be true.

 

In a 2013 study by the National Institutes of Health Medicine, scientists compared mental health indicators between two groups of people: BDSM practitioners and those who preferred traditional sex. Facts have proved that the former is significantly better than the latter in terms of basic psychological characteristics. For example, BDSM supporters are more satisfied with life, more open to new experiences, more conscientious, less sensitive to rejection, and less neurotic.

 

It should be concluded that the practice of BDSM should be viewed as a leisure time restoration of mental strength rather than an expression of a psychopathological process.

 

The topic of BDSM runs deep enough that it's impossible to fully consider it in one article. Perhaps, however, the man who occasionally sneers at "those weird perverts" will finally wonder if his relationships are really so psychologically balanced that his sex addiction has nothing to do with BDSM.

 

Think about it: Even if you just love patting soft spots, you definitely have your quirks.